


the world watches, as i burn

by KATYAZ



Category: Red White & Royal Blue - Casey McQuiston
Genre: M/M, Outing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-21
Updated: 2019-07-21
Packaged: 2020-07-09 15:21:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,593
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19890016
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KATYAZ/pseuds/KATYAZ
Summary: Henry's POV after they were outed.





	the world watches, as i burn

**Author's Note:**

> Short but hope you like it. More rwrb stuff to come maybe?

Bea is the one to tell him, she rushed into the kitchen hair still tousled, pink bed robe pulled tightly around her. He knew the minute he seen her face something had to be wrong, the last time she'd had that face he was breaking the news that their father was sicker than they thought. His heart stopped and then began pounding furiously against his ribcage. "Where's your phone?" She asks him voice hoarse.

"My room. What happened?" He asks trying to keep his voice steady, a million scenarios flooding his mind, Alex is dead, his mother is dead, the world is ending, something terrible.

"I'm so sorry, Henry, don't freak out please-"

"Tell me!" He demands. 

She swallows. "They know. They really know this time. The press, there's emails..." She trails off.

Henry can feel his legs slip from underneath him, his knees buckle. Bea latches onto him allowing him to sob into her, her hands combing through his hair. 

This can't happen, this isn't happening, after all this godforsaken world has put him through, he should be allowed a break, he doesn't deserve this.

Bea lifts him back up and he allows himself to be straightened out again. She looks up at him, she's crying too. 

Alex, he needs to talk to Alex. As if she's read his mind Bea speaks. "Gran knows, we aren't allowed to contact anyone." That makes him angry, he's angry at the world. The universe seems to always find a way to punish him, as if he's not worth even a shred of happiness. "They take everything." He whispers angrily. Bea nods, pulling him into a hug. 

"I know."

"How dare you!, I have never been more disappointed in you." His grandmother is pacing back and forth. Shouting and mumbling. The only words she can seem to fathom are, 'disappointed' and 'disgrace'.

The words burn, the hurt more now than they ever have before. She's order a communications lockdown, as expected. Philip's on his way and right now Henry wants nothing more than just be with Alex again, he cannot imagine the pain he must feel right now, how this will affect not only his image, but his career and his mother's too.

Shaan is standing by the door, occasionally shooting him sympathetic glances. 

"Do you have any idea what this has done to our image!" His grandmother yells at him again, she clearly doesn't expect an answer because she goes straight back to pacing and muttering. He wants to tell her that he doesn't give a shit what this does for the crown's image, this is hurting him far more than it will ever hurt her. 

He has yet to see his mother and right now he feels a burning anger inside him greater than he's ever felt at the fact that she can let him sit her and be berated by his grandmother when the worst fucking this has just happened to him. 

He can remember being a child, the way she would ridicule him even then. He's always had to be a certain way, to fit into the picture that is the royal family. He stuck out like a sore thumb among them, somehow it was always easier with his father, who seemed to love him despite everything he was, he was a weird kid. 

His father wouldn't have minded if he was gay. His father, who his grandmother hated, who Philip could never understand. Philip still sometimes blames his father for 'leaving' as if it were a choice he made to be sick. He's really tired.

His grandmother stops pacing then pointing another finger at him. "Go!" She shouts then.

God, he misses his dad.

Bea and him are sitting in the music room, she's attempting to sooth him with her guitar, when a knock comes from the door. Something twists up inside Henry, for a moment he wishes it was his mother.

Philip comes barging in, a look of fury and disgust on his face. Henry's stomach drops.

"What the actual fuck Henry." There's so much hatred in his voice.

"Get out, Philip." Bea says immediately on seeing him enter, she sits up from the floor, Henry stays where he is on the couch, he's terrified, and he doesn't really know why.

"Beatrice, I think you should leave, I need to have a talk with Henry." Bea raises her eyebrows at him.

"Absolutely fucking not, get out, you're making it worse." Philip ignores her. 

"I trust you realise now, how dangerous that was, going around flaunting whatever this is." He says gesturing to Henry, as if his whole being is something he should hide.

He can feel tears brimming in his eyes again, he doesn't meet Philips gaze for fear he might notice. He curses himself for getting upset over everything and wishes over and over again as if for the one hundredth time he could just be brave. 

He wonders, not for the first time, why even his own family can't just accept him. In the back of his mind he had felt like it was almost normal for your family not to accept you, he thought that everyone had people shaking their heads and looking down their noses at you, judging your every move. 

For awhile he assumed that was because he was a prince, he was on show for the world, so he had to keep in line for his family. Then he met Alex, who's amazing family were supportive and loving, not perfect by any means; but loving, loving enough to accept him and the person he's dating and all his flaws, just because that is what you did as a family. Henry hasn't felt that in a long fucking time. 

"You need to leave, right now." Bea says grabbing Philip and practically flinging him out the door, slamming it behind him. She looks over at Henry, sitting there staring ahead.

"I love you." She tells him sitting down beside him, stroking his hair again. "My little brother."

He doesn't let himself cry this time. Emails, they have the emails, the press, the people, the world. The reality of it is only now sinking in. Emails that contained everything, his most private thoughts, wants, desires. Secrets about his family, about him.

Things only him and Alex were meant to see. The whole country can now read about everything that's every made him sad, little details about his sex life.

He feels a wave of embarrassment and shame wash over him. Momentarily he thinks that he shouldn't actually feel ashamed, because there's nothing wrong with the things he wrote, his desire for Alex, his love for him. Things about Bea, things that they've worked hard to cover up. He feels an overwhelming sense of guilt on top of everything.

"I'm so fucking sorry." He tells Bea in a whisper. She shakes her head.

"Nothing to be sorry about." She tells him.

He can't take this, he tells himself that it's only temporary, that it'll get better. He just can't believe himself. What if Alex decides that this is too much? Can he even live without him? It's unhealthy and wrong to think like that, he knows. He Knows he has Bea, even if Alex leaves him.

He just feels awful.

His dad would know what to do, and maybe even if his dad was still here, things would be different his mother would be here too, helping him, accepting him. It strikes him suddenly, everything feels impossible, he's so tired of everything. The secrecy, the grief, the rejection, all the fucking fear and pain he feels, the weird way his brain will shut off for days and leave him feeling empty and alone. 

"Bea?" He says. He looks over at her wide-eyed. "I feel like I can't do it anymore." 

She understands him, like she always has. They've had this talk before, he's felt like this before.

She looks him in the eye then. "Henry, listen to me, you can get through this I promise, okay?" 

He swallows. 

"I'm here this time and so is Alex, no one's going to hurt you."

He nods, his breaths are short and ragged and he lets himself sob again, this time into Bea's shoulder. "You're going to get through this, I think you're stronger than you realise." He laughs a little in between sobs. 

"I'm serious." She tells him. "You two are going to rule the fucking world." 

He thinks then, perhaps for the first time ever, that the position he's in can actually bring change, that if he is willing, if Alex is willing, he can stand in front of the world and declare himself as gay and absolutely madly fucking in love with Alex Claremont-Diaz, and maybe he could make a difference. "I wish they accepted me." He tells Bea, not for the first time. 

"I know, they kinda suck." She giggles a little and he does too. 

"I think, maybe, I could tell everyone." He says voice soft. Her eyes go wide looking him again. "Really?" She asks and he can tell she's trying to contain her excitement. 

He nods. "I think, that, maybe we could do it, me and him." There's another knock on the door. Shaan enters just as Bea jumps up to once again yell at Philip, he's holding his phone out to Henry. Henry looks up at him. "What?" 

"Alex." Shaan tells him and Henry grabs the phone. "Henry?" Alex's voice says on the other line, and he thinks, yeah, he could do this.


End file.
